Sacrifice

The Engagement date was approaching soon, and preparations were in full swing. The engagement is supposed to be held from the brides side and both the families decided that it would be held at Vanessa's native. Her uncle booked the finest of the resort at a beach location. He did all the planning himself as he would have done for his own daughter. It was no secret that Vanessa was the darling of the entire family. Almost all of her relatives at her native were called upon, and 200 odd people from Vivan's side.

With each passing day, she felt more and more trapped in her own thoughts. On one hand her family was putting so much efforts for her and on the other, she felt deeply out of place. She didn't know what to do, she was expecting a miracle to happen, something to show her the way, someone to tell her what is right and what is wrong, but she could find neither.

She was 25 and it felt right to marry at that age. Vivan belonged to a nice family, he was well educated and he was financially stable. Everything looked ideal if seen from the outside world. But somewhere deep in her heart she felt there was no connection at all, that maybe she was just jumping too fast, that maybe she'll regret the decision later in her life. Things were really hazy. If Vivan accepted her completely, she thought even she had to accept him with the way he was. What other name you give to marriage, if not compromise.

The decision to marry Vivan was on a reflex. She was not forced, but something in her past dictated the decision that she made. Her best friend had got engaged and she felt it was right for her as well if she too were to find her life partner. Whether decisions this important could be taken under social pressure was correct or not, she did not know. But she had already made her decision based on someone else's behavior.

As a girl she didn't want to cause any trouble to her mom, she was already doing a lot more than she ought to. While Vanessa was growing up, she always had a plan in mind that her mom would only finance her education rest she should be able to do herself. But as it had to happen, failure stared right into her eyes and even at the age of 25 and she was nothing but a parasite in her own home.

The engagement happened with her fighting with her own stupid thoughts. Something just didn't fit. Something just wasn't right. What was that something she did not know. She befriended a couple of girlfriends and tried explaining how she felt. Their advice was to the point. Break it up. Well obviously it wasn't as easy as they said it.  She didn't want to break up. She just wanted somehow to make things work. She wanted Vivan to understand her, that she understand him too. That they communicate. But things were not quite like it. They drifted far apart with each passing day. With her too putting lesser efforts now, since she knew nothing was coming out of it, things became worse.

She told her mom briefly about how she felt, taking into consideration how excited and happy she was. Vanessa didn't want to burst her mom's bubble. When Vanessa told her mom that maybe she wasn't ready, she could see it in her mom's eyes how heart broken she was, the pain clearly reflecting in her mom's eyes. Vanessa couldn't swallow.  The last thing she could see was her mother in pain. She was ready to take it on herself but not on her mother. After all her mother had done for her right from childhood, she couldn't give her mom any more trouble. She refrained from telling her mom anything more. There was no body she could talk to. She felt so alone. Her friends suggested an instant break up saying it was the decision of a life time, and if she was not happy initially, chances are that she would never be happy. But she knew she couldn't do that. Her family was at stake. She could take the burnt herself, but she wanted nothing in the world to harm them.